


Waves

by sigynstark



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, F/M, Killing, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Murder, Protective Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-04-07 20:25:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19092490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sigynstark/pseuds/sigynstark
Summary: Stormtrooper FN-4673 has an interesting relationship with Kylo Ren.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck me.  
> I still love Kylo Ren. ~~Sue me.~~ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Fuck. _Fuck._ **_Fuckfuckfuck._**

Being covered in blood was one thing, being covered in my own blood was something different. Someone was talking to me, but I didn't understand a word of it. Maybe my helmet was fucked up? Or… my head? Ah well.

"I'm okay", I replied shakily, but I couldn't move.

Why couldn't I move? Oh, right. The tree. A certain individual slashed it down with his burning-growling crimson lightsaber and it fell right on me. I couldn't feel my legs. Someone removed my helmet. I let out a cry, as I wasn't allowed to remove it. I stared up and noticed a black figure right above me.

"Can you stand?"

The voice was distorted, the world was spinning, and I needed to throw up. **_Could_** _I stand?_ _Not a chance._

"Just leave me here, Commander", I whimpered. I just noticed the tree was missing from above me. Did he move it? I waved with my hand carelessly. "It's fin… fine."

"Don't be ridiculous", he grunted under his mask. "You're dying."

"Yeah, it's fine."

My black hair stuck to my sweaty forehead as I tried to focus. It felt like I was trying to get up above the waves of an ocean, but they just kept coming and I couldn't swim up to the surface. I faintly registered he said something which sounded like a curse.

"How could it be 'fine'?"

My thoughts were spinning around something different, now. My cadet years I've spent on various ships, doing nothing but chores all the time, running errands and communicating with superiors. I never got to ask that boy at the communications if he wanted to meet up for coffee. I got moved before that. He was so cute! His eyebrows were… so… wild… and he was so… friendly…

A faint pain registered in my head and I forced myself to open my eyes with a frown. Was he reading my mind, now? _Oh stop whining, FN-4673, what he does is his business._

"FN-4673, you will not die", he muttered above me and I noted, _yes, he did read my mind_.

"It's okay…"

"I do not allow it."

Was I dreaming? It must've been delirium. The pain still didn't come. I still couldn't feel my legs.

"With respect, Commander", I muttered as I closed my eyes again, "you can't order death 'not today'."

"Just watch me." Kylo grumbled. "Stay awake."

I honestly doubted I could, but I sighed.

"Yes, sir."

Somehow, he brought me back to the ship. That was when I passed out.

 

I woke up in a tank of bacta. I relaxed when I opened my eyes, then smiled faintly under the mask. I always felt so peaceful in here. Half an hour later though, after it turned out I was perfectly fine and healed up, I had to leave the medbay. I returned to my quarters where I retrieved my datapad which told me to report to an officer.

I had to train again for a few days, then I got another mission assignment. Without Kylo Ren, again, as usual. He never travelled with us, he only arrived when we took care of the bad guys. I had mixed feelings about him; like _wow_ , he saved my life. I wished I could thank him somehow. Maybe when I get back from this mission, I could.

We landed on a far away planet to fight off the Resistance. There were only a few of them left, but my entire squad died from a bomb. I was retreating behind the trees as I fought them off, thinking I'd end up dead here, when _that_ command shuttle arrived.

My heart beat in a funny way as I watched it land. **_Okay._** _Concentrate!!_ He's here, then what's up? I peeked out from behind a tree and shot down two troops. That, of course, gave away my location to the others.

Before they could march my way, though, I saw Kylo Ren from the corner of my eyes approaching them. I smirked when he ignited his awesome lightsaber and started to cut himself through the troops. I hurried after him, but he kept signaling me to keep behind him.

"Why do you— aah!"

I cried out when I felt a shot penetrated my armour. Pain! In my leg! My left shin— I suddenly heard Kylo roar. I just realised I was lying on my back a moment later. Did someone shove me backwards? I whipped my head around. No... there was no one near me. He was nearest, but he didn't touch me. Screams echoed in my ears for a moment before everything was engulfed in silence. I panted nervously as I pushed myself up to sit.

Kylo stood above the dead troops and switched his lightsaber off. I stared at him and gulped when he suddenly turned to look at me. I was about to shrink when he made a few big, thudding steps my way. I shyly stared up at his helmet.

"Why the **_kriff_** did you run that way?!"

His question sounded angrier and louder than usual. I stared at him stupidly.

"Because that was the order? To kill them?"

"You should've stayed behind me!"

"So you could get shot in the first place?"

"You could've died!"

"With all respect, sir, I am a stormtrooper. It's my job to charge in and there's a risk I wouldn't return from a mission!"

A brief silence.

"Get up."

I clenched my teeth at his cold order. I tried to push myself up but fell back on the ground.

"I've been shot. I can't", I admitted.

I jerked when I saw he powered up his lightsaber again. Gosh, he'll kill me! He's going to kill me for talking back. He suddenly turned away from me and slashed a console, near to him, apart. I watched him waving his lightsaber angrily across the surface, over and over, the weapon growled as it left burning scars in the metal. It went on for a while before he finally stopped and switched his saber off. I was probably pale. My leg hurt so much. He turned to face me again.

"Get off your helmet."

"Sir, I am not allowed t—"

"I remind you that I am your **Commander** and this is an **order**. Get it off!"

I sighed as I raised my shaky hands and removed my helmet as he ordered. He stepped closer to me.

"Can you stand?"

_Deja vu. So deja vu._

"No." I bit my lower lip. "My left leg hurts too much."

He came closer to me and crouched next to me to examine my injury.

"We need bacta for it", he muttered.

"It's fine."

I felt he stared at me and I blushed. Why did I blush?? **_Body??_** _**What are you doing?!**_

"I'll take you back to the shuttle", he murmured and I stared at his mask.

"Sir? We need to get the—"

"I will take you back to the shuttle", he repeated firmly.

I felt my face became even redder as he lifted me up in his arms. Gosh, why like this? I felt so useless, but my thoughts kept spinning. I got shot and he roared like _he_ got wounded. It was probably him who pushed me back on the ground, using the Force, so I wouldn't get shot again. He seemed he cared about my injury and he carried me _in his arms_ back to the ship, _again_.

_What the kriff was going on?_

Not like I disliked it. He was so strong! I was very heavy in my armour.

"Oh no", I whined when I realised something.

"What is it?" Kylo grunted.

"My helmet. I left it there. I can't take it off."

"Remember that I ordered you to take it off?"

"Yes but—"

"It will be fine."

"But—"

"Silence."

I sighed and rested my head on his chest. His black tunic felt rough and thick and I felt he glanced down at me but I decided to shut my eyes instead. With his long strides, it didn't take us long to reach the ship.

"Sir?" I heard Phasma's altered voice and I clenched my hands into fists nervously as I glanced at her. "Is that..."

"She's injured." And with that, he brought me inside his command shuttle. I literally _heard_ the question marks from Phasma. "The rest of our squad is dead."

"And the rebels?"

"Dead."

"Information?"

"Gathered."

Really? Well… I suddenly remembered he could read minds.

"Right. Then I'll tell General Hux."

Kylo didn't reply anything, just walked in a small room with me and put me down on a bed. I sat up.

"Lie back down", he snapped. "Don't move, it's bleeding too much."

I sighed and lied back down obediently. I watched him as he moved around in the room, gathering some things, then he walked back to the end of the bed where my still aching leg was. Then I felt a yank. I pushed myself up again.

"Sir!" I cried. "My armour should r..."

"Didn't I tell you to stay down and stay quiet?"

I stared at his helmet.

"But I—"

He suddenly yanked the armor around my knee and I fell back with a thud and a cry. He didn't hurt me, but I was caught by surprise. I stared at the metal ceiling when I felt the cold air on my injured leg.

"Sir..."

"Ssh."

I blinked at the ceiling again.

"You don't have to do this", I muttered.

He hummed.

"Try and stop me."

I actually didn't want him to stop treating to my wound which really hurt a lot. I felt something cold touched my shin.

"Is it bad?" I asked.

Gosh I was so happy I shaved this morning. I usually shaved before missions, just in case I die, I didn't want to be a hairy corpse. Eww!

"Very. But the bacta will take care of it."

His quiet, calm reply made me wonder. _Why?_ I mean, if we went back to the Finalizer, I'd get it treated anyway. The pain slowly faded away and I suddenly realised I was very tense. I relaxed. Even though the bacta was already at work, I still felt his gloved fingers stroking the top of my foot as he pulled his hand away. I shivered. His glove was so cold, but it was the light touch which made me react that way. I felt he dried the excess bacta off of my leg with a rough cloth.

"There", he muttered.

I felt he moved my armour back up on my leg and I stayed completely still. I blushed beet red when I felt how his left hand held my ankle in place. I closed my eyes as he slipped the piece back and secured it.

"You can get up now", he said quietly.

I pushed myself up to sit, carefully avoiding to look at his mask.

"Thank you, sir", I mumbled.

He got up without a word and walked outside, leaving me there.

I got up and tested my leg when Phasma came in. I saluted her.

"FN-4673, why did you take your helmet off?"

I swallowed nervously.

"Because the Commander told me to."

"Why?"

"I do not know, ma'am."

She remained silent for a while before she walked out as well.


	2. Chapter 2

My new schedule was full of training. Running, using bicycles, push ups and sit ups, swimming, you name it. I was dead tired each day and I've had no power to log in my diary.

Two weeks of hardcore training later I was scheduled to train with blaster guns. How to take it apart and how to put it back together again. Charging it, shooting with it, cleaning it.

Then I got mixed training. Both the work out and how to handle my blaster. Not like I wasn't in perfect shape or I didn't know how to treat a blaster, because I did. When I had my meals in my canteen I gulped down my food like it was my last. I couldn't meet up with my friends as Phasma basically always had me work with strangers. It wasn't unusual, though, and I was used to it, but after a month, I got really frustrated. There was no one I could talk to, no one I could share a coffee with. I also, still, had no time to write in my diary, which made me even more frustrated; it was important to me and I haven't written in it for weeks.

Then I got assigned to a mission. It was a simple search and destroy mission. I stood with the other stormtroopers in the docking bay. With me, there were five of us. We were obviously waiting for something, and for some reason, relief washed over me when I saw Kylo Ren was stomping our way. It always surprised me how tall he was. He bypassed us all.

"With me", he grumbled under his helmet.

We followed him silently. We quickly left the docking bay with the ship and I mentally prepared myself for the mission. I've been trained to kill people since my childhood, so I didn't have any problems with that. We stood in silence near the entrance while Kylo himself was in the cockpit alone.

It was strange when we hit turbulence. I glanced up at the ship's ceiling. I grabbed a handle above my head.

"I hate this", the man to the left from me growled.

"Who likes it?" Another, on the right to me asked.

I chuckled under my mask.

"We'll be fine", someone else said, another woman. "He is a damned good pilot."

I smiled. Yeah he was. And a good fighter. He had an awesome lightsaber and he was very strong with the Force, too. While I wondered, the turbulence got worse. I held onto the handle above.

Then suddenly I heard a huge **boom** and light blinded me for a moment. I grabbed my handle with both hands and realised our shuttle had been shot. I heard screams, then it got awfully silent. When I glanced up, I realised I was completely alone back there.

The air almost sucked me out. I held onto the handle and knew if I let it go, I'd die. We didn't have parachutes in our armour. Maybe I should tell this to the technicians if I ever get back...

I couldn't move out of the half fallen apart room. If I released the handle I'd fall out into nothing. As I didn't want to basically commit suicide, I waited for us to crash.

Only me and the Commander remained. But I wasn't sure about him. Maybe I was on my own. I didn't get to meditate on it too much as the ship landed with a huge crash.

I fell, the handle got torn. My armor protected me and I panted, realising my heartbeat was racing like crazy. I've been in simulators already which mimicked the circumstances and effects of a crash, so I knew what to do, but it was very different from reality.

I scrambled to my feet.

"Sir!" I cried, but there was no answer. "Commander!"

I pushed the button to open the door to the cockpit and there he was; unmoving. Panic settled in as I pushed myself between the wall and the pilot's seat. He grunted as he looked up at me, but I was staring at his chest. A large, long piece of metal torn his tunic and buried itself deep in the lower left part of his chest.

"Oh nononono", I whimpered as he moved his left hand and grabbed the metal. "No! Don't pull it out! You'll bleed ou—"

"I'm fine", came the dry reply through his helmet.

And he yanked the metal out.

His blood splattered all across the console. My stomach turned as he got up. This had to hurt. A lot! Yet he uttered no noise!

"Sir", I begged, "bacta."

"I told you I'm fine!"

Why was he so damned stubborn?? He kept his hand on his injured side and suddenly stared down at me.

"FN-4673? Is that you?"

"Yes, sir."

He stared at me for a few moments before he walked out of the cockpit. I wandered after him, noticing he still kept his hand on his side. When he walked where we stood with the others, he grunted.

"Typical..."

Ren wandered out and I followed him. He scanned our surroundings. It was in the middle of the night and thankfully, our ship didn't burn. At least.

Kylo suddenly sunk on his left knee. I instinctively shifted closer.

"Sir, we need to treat that injury", I told him.

"Yes", he finally agreed. His voice was quieter, now. "Get the first aid kit."

"Yes."

I hurried back to the ship and spent a few minutes getting the box. When I went back out to him, he was lying on his back.

"Sir", I mumbled, but he didn't move. Once again, I panicked. "Shit. Sir!" Nothing. His hand which he still had on his side looked limp. He probably passed out. "Okay. I can do this..."

I removed my helmet and the armor from my lower arms to access to his injury better. I checked his pulse; it was weak. I cursed as I tried to get under his rough tunic, then it dawned on me. I'll have to open it, otherwise I'd pour half of the bacta on his clothes, wasting it.

I blushed deeply as I searched for the velcro strap under his collar. His tunic was similar to the uniform of the First Order. Under the velcro was the zip, which I could successfully pull down after I undid his belt. Underneath, he had a tank top. I pushed that up to reveal his injury.

And gasped when I did.

Holy shit, he was _ripped_. I've had a few -female- acquaintances who fantasised about how he looks under his armour. Well... they were right if they really thought he had an eight pack. _Whoa._ I wish I've had a camera with me. His injury looked bad, though, and after a few moments I poured bacta all over it. The bleeding immediately was stopped. I watched how his injury healed back up. I sighed, relieved, then when it was done, I redressed him properly. Lowered the tank top, zipped his tunic up, put the belt and the velcro back to their places.

Then I waited for him to wake up.

Which didn't happen.

I decided I'd bring him back in the ship. I was so glad I was working out in the past few weeks as he was damned heavy. I hauled him in the wreck. It was tempting to remove his mask so I could see his face, but my guts told me not to do that as it might piss him off. I walked in the cockpit and cleaned the blood off of the screens, then sent a message directly to Phasma.

"Squad 643 crashed. I repeat, squad 643 crashed. Number of survivors: two. This is FN-4673. The Commander is unconscious. Awaiting command."

I sat down next to Kylo and waited for him to finally wake up.

 

Hours passed and nothing happened.

I started to become thirsty, so I checked the supply room of the ship. Thankfully, there were a few bottles of water and also some food.

Suddenly, I got a message back.

"FN-4673, General A. H. speaking. The rescue team is on it's way." I knew this voice. I've heard it many times. "Keep the Commander secure. Complete the assigned mission with the rescue team."

I sunk in the seat when the message ended. I played it again, then sighed. Hopefully Kylo would wake up before that... but what if not? I wandered back to him and checked the pulse on his left wrist. He seemed like he was fine.

I sighed again then sat at the blown entrance of the ship with my blaster and my helmet on. Waiting.

I was about to fall asleep when the Commander suddenly jerked awake. I glanced at him as he sat up and put his hand where his injury was. I felt so relieved he was fine!

"What happened?" He grunted beneath his helmet.

"You passed out, sir", I replied.

He stared at me and I remained still.

"For how long?"

I frowned.

"About six hours. I treated your wound properly and followed protocol. The rescue team should arrive soon."

"Are you FN-4673?"

It seemed he didn't remember neither the crash nor the fact it was me, but I nodded nevertheless.

"Yes, sir."

He got up to his feet and I did, too.

"You shouldn't be on this mission. Why are you here?"

I blinked stupidly.

"Becauuuse... Captain Phasma ordered me to come."

I heard he grunted again. Then made a few huge steps to exit the wreck. I scrambled after him, dragging my feet because I was so tired, but now that he was finally awake, I didn't want him to leave me alone.

"Stay in the shuttle."

"But sir—" He stopped abruptly and turned to look at me. I was intimidated by his helmet and posture, but I glanced up nevertheless, with a fierce look on my face. "Please sir, don't leave alone and complete the mission."

"What makes you think I'd do that?"

"I know you want to. You wouldn't leave the ship otherwise."

He paused for long enough for me to glance at his torn tunic then back at his helmet.

"Stay there and wait for the rescue team. I'll be back shortly."

"Let me come with you", I nearly begged and stepped a bit closer. He didn't pull away and remained silent. "Please, Commander, please…"

"You haven't slept in a real long time, FN-4673. It would not be wise if you came with me. You could get yourself killed. **Stay. Here.** It's an **_order_** , not a suggestion."

I felt I blushed; both with anger and humiliation.

"Yes, sir, understood, sir."

"Wait for me."

"Yes."

He lingered for a moment longer before he spun on his heels and left me alone near the shuttle.

I was so nervous as I put my helmet back on my head and I had no idea why.

The rescue team arrived ten minutes later. I've been asked what am I doing there and where is the Commander, to which I replied the truth. I had to join the group to search for Kylo and the base we had to find and destroy.

And to be totally honest, Kylo was right about me for being awake for too long. Because just after we arrived and a Resistance man rushed out of the building – which was, undoubtedly, attacked by an angry man with a lightsaber – shot at me, I couldn't move fast enough.

"Ow", I complained when the something hit my right shoulder, penetrated my armour right where it wasn't covered with a pauldron (obviously as I was just a stormtrooper, not a sergeant, for example, so I had no pauldrons which obviously meant added protection in a fight). The others shot the man and we entered their little fort, me following them as fast as I could – not fast enough –, quickly realising the amount of blood I lost is too much. "Hahaha… **_kriff_**."

If anyone ever went after Kylo Ren in a battle and saw the mess he'd made, our technicians would finally stop whining about having to fix tons of shit on the Finalizer because they'd know the man bloody _controlled_ himself on our ship. It wasn't even the equipment which was in surprisingly bad condition here – half of it was _still_ melting away – but to see the people there having absolutely no chance to escape, that was really, really frightening. People cut in half with the shock and fear still frozen on their faces, some still clutching onto their radio or weapons, some just froze in the state of total distress.

Man, I'd be crazy to be the enemy of Kylo Ren.

And these sights made me think of the past two encounters with him, when he was absolutely, astonishingly gentle when he treated my leg. On second thought, why the hell did he treat my leg?

_"Down!"_

If anyone was shouting that at me, I was not reacting fast enough. Another shoot – missing my head by an inch as I was completely startled by the buzz of a shiny weapon right behind me. I've felt a grip on my right arm, tight enough to almost break the armour, I literally felt it tightening on me, as someone rather strong pulled me backwards and whipped me around… behind himself. Another laser beam came our way and he easily waved at it, forcing it to change it's way and it hit the wall to our left. Our attacker had no time to shoot another; Kylo held out a hand and the Resistance fighter collapsed immediately, a faint noise of a crack echoing in the silence as the Commander crushed his throat with the Force.

As he finally turned to me I felt incredibly small. He switched off his lightsaber and let out the angriest grunt humanly possible.

"Didn't I **_order_** you to stay in the shuttle?!" I muttered something incomprehensible. I furrowed my brows and tried speaking again, only to find my lips and tongue disagreed with me. "You irresponsible _idiot!_ " He raised his voice as I felt we also had an audience. I blushed deeply under my helmet. "I've told you to stay put! Do I have to really issue a reconditioning?!"

"Nn-no…"

I suddenly realised I was falling backwards. Nothing hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

I realised I was staring at the face of a doctor.

"Good, you're finally awake. We weren't sure you'd make it."

I grunted and glanced down on myself, horrified at the amount of needles and tubes sticking out of my body. The doctor hushed and pushed me back down on the bed, and I huffed, then grimaced at the intense pain.

"Let me give you some more painkiller", he muttered and pushed a button on one of the machines nearby. I immediately felt the effects and relaxed somewhat. He pat my hand. "You were very lucky. You've lost a lot of blood." He half smirked. "It's good you were brought in so fast." He paused as he straightened himself. "I'm afraid you're going to need a few days here, your injury took it's toll. After that, you'll go to reconditioning."

That small colour which was in my face ran out immediately. I heard one of the machines started to beep quicker; that signaled that my pulse must've elevated.

"Why?" I croaked.

"Because you didn't obey a command."

"I did!"

The doctor furrowed his brows, then chuckled.

"What makes you say that? As I've gathered, Commander Ren ordered you to stay at the shuttle and you didn't."

"Because the rescue team's General outranked him and she told me to go with them", I protested.

The doctor blinked at me confused.

"That explains everything." A new voice joined us and I jerked, startled. A tall, ginger man entered my line of view. He was in his General's uniform and had his hands behind his back. He didn't have to introduce himself. When I moved to push myself up and grimaced from the pain again, he half smiled. "At ease. You've been through a lot, soldier."

He silently observed me as I leaned back against my pillow, his eyes lingering a moment longer on my left hand which had a needle in it. He sounded calm when he next spoke.

"What happened in the shuttle?"

I swallowed — my throat was dry — then I explained calmly everything. How we crashed, how I found the Commander, how I treated his wound and what he told me to do until the rescue team arrived and the General told me to go with them. Hux silently listened, then hummed after I was done.

"I will not send you to reconditioning." At his words I finally could relax. He noted this, his eyes found mine again. "But you will have to heal as fast as possible and start training again. As I've gathered that shot damaged muscles and you need to build them up again."

"Yes, sir!" I nodded determined, and he broke out in a smile.

"Although I must warn you that Commander Ren will not like this." My smile faded and Hux continued, "he issued that reconditioning and your immediate recall from the battlefields. He sounded rather… _persistent_."

The doctor snorted at that behind him and I glanced back at the man with furrowed brows. Persistent? I had a feeling Hux used that word in order to mask how Kylo actually handled the situation.

I was let out of the medbay very soon after that, but what I did not anticipate was the throbbing pain in my right shoulder. I grimaced and massaged it for myself almost all the time, and it made any activity painful. I wrote some in my diary – the sliding of the pen on the paper always calmed me down –, and even that hurt after a while.

The next day I was scheduled for training and I did my best not to show I was hurting all the time… especially when I saw General Hux and Captain Phasma was standing and observing us nearby.

"Would you concentrate?" I told my mate who held the punch bag still. "You're not holding it in place."

"Sorry", he muttered, "I think I see the Commander."

"What the f—" I muttered back and followed his gaze. He was right, too. Quite a few meters away from Hux and Phasma, but he was present. Suddenly I felt the room fill with tension when I glanced his way, and I was pretty sure I did not cause it. Not willingly, that is. I turned back to my mate. "Fine, who cares, hold the bag."

"Okay."

Every time I tried to punch, my shoulder ached. I grew frustrated, and it didn't cease when I saw my mate glance the way where Hux and Phasma stood.

I've heard my name, or rather, my code suddenly. I turned to look at Captain Phasma who said it. I walked over to her (and Hux, who looked somehow annoyingly content), and saluted them both.

Phasma directed me to one of the mattresses where one of her soldiers was waiting. He was a big brute; brown haired, brown eyed FN soldier who flashed a friendly smirk at me once I stepped on the mattress.

"Spar, shall we?" He asked and I snorted.

"You think you can take me?" I challenged.

He laughed. He was one and a half heads bigger than me, he was made of nothing but muscles of steel, and had probably no problems with his shoulder like I did. Not like anyone knew I had problems with my shoulder.

We circled around each other and it was him who initiated an attack, which I dodged easily. A few other times I dodged and he huffed, clearly annoyed by the fact that I could simply dance away from him.

"Stop running away", he called me out and I giggled.

"Why, are you tired of turning around, giant?"

Some of our mates laughed. He growled angrily and reached out to grab my arm, but I quickly retreated – landing an elbow strike in his side. He didn't even flinch and didn't grunt, but I knew he must've felt it. I was like a little bee, trying to fight off the rancor. It was hopeless, if I had to admit. I was careless for one second when I danced away from his path and he immediately used it to his advantage, punching me in the face so hard that I didn't see anything from the pain.

I felt blood running down on my chest and there was an audible gasp from the crowd. I retreated in small steps, then angrily growled and, not caring about the blood, I repaid the punch… mine being so hard that he fainted. I was hissing from the pain in both in my face and my shoulder.

"Don't… underestimate… me. Ever again." I panted, then wiped my face with my left arm and smeared the blood.

"Well done, FN-4673", I heard Hux's rather distant, but pleased, voice. "Get to the medbay now."

I didn't look at him but nodded, taking a bit slow but steady steps outside. When I was halfway down the corridor, I heard strangely familiar footsteps coming after me. I stopped and turned to look back, only to notice Kylo Ren was stomping my way.

"Sir", I saluted him just when he got to me.

"I sent you to reconditioning, why are you still training with Phasma's other soldiers?"

I blinked stupidly at his helmet, which possibly hid a vicious snarl of his. I wondered briefly how did he look like under it. Perhaps he wasn't even human… could be possible… some rumours stated Snoke himself was alien, too…

"With all respect, sir, the rescue team's leader outranked you."

"What do you mean he outranked me?"

I felt his anger. I was no Force user, but I still sensed it. I cleared my throat. My face hurt so much and talking didn't make it any better.

" _She_ was a General, sir."

There was a pause. An awkward one. Didn't anyone tell him this bit of information? I blinked at the helmet and watched my reflection in the silver lines above the dark shadows which hid his eyes.

"Well I do not want you to go on missions anymore."

I shifted my weight uncomfortably. The corridor started to slowly spin around… and around… _and around…_

"I am a stormtrooper sir, what else should I do? Scrub the floors?"

I heard leather creak. And when I glanced down I saw he was clenching his hands into fists. I made him angrier. Making Kylo Ren angry was not a good idea at all, I reminded myself. But my face hurt too much. I started to become confused why I was there. I glanced around us.

"Just keep yourself away from fights."

I glanced back up at the helmet and hummed quietly.

"Why?"

I suddenly startled myself with my own question. Holy shit I just— asked _questions_. Without obeying his words blindly. But what he asked of me was the opposite of what was expected of me in here! Seriously, what the hell should I do with my life if I couldn't run around and shoot people? I'd miss the entire point of my existence! I'd be nothing!

The Commander probably sighed, judging by the sound his helmet made.

"Because **_I_** said so."

"Sir, General Hux still outranks you and if he gives me an order I have to do it anyway."

"Orders be _damned!_ "

It broke out of him so suddenly that I flinched, then my dizzy head decided this quick motion was too much. I got caught before I hit the ground. It took me quite a few seconds to realise I was, once again, held by a man dressed in armour from head to toe.

"Damn it all", he grumbled above me and I tried to get hold of myself, to no avail. _"I'll kill him."_

It took me at least ten seconds to realise what he was talking about, and by the end of that time, I was lifted up from the ground again. I whined. He didn't look down on me.

"Not—" I mumbled. "Not like this…"

" _Not like this_ what? You probably have a concussion. There's no way I'd let you stumble down to the medbay in this state."

"Why?" I whined again and pushed myself a bit away from his chest to look at his helmet properly. He didn't answer just swiftly made his way down the corridor. "No—please. People will talk."

"Let them."

"I don't want them to…"

"To— _what?_ "

He suddenly stopped walking and glanced down at me and for some reason I blushed under his inquisitive gaze. Who gives a fuck, really? Let it be, then. Let just people see I was carried to the medbay by Kylo _Fucking Awesome_ Ren. Because who was I kidding? I always wanted to know the man behind the mask. He was so cool. And if he took the pains of bringing me out of near-death situations over and over again, then let him.

"You're right. Let them." And I smiled. "I think I am going mental, but fine."

"Why would you go mental?"

I giggled to myself.

"Let's just look at it properly, if this is even real, because I have a feeling I fainted and I just make this up to make myself feel safe", I mumbled dreamily as he continued his way with me. "Kylo Ren, who, as we know, killed Jedi…"

"Padawans."

"Pada _what_?"

"Padawans." His calm reply made me furrow my brows. "They weren't Jedi yet. They were learning to be. They call Jedi apprentices padawans."

"Then why do they call you the Jedi Killer?"

"Because, in their opinion, it sounds good."

I blinked as I stared at his helmet. I bit my lower lip.

"And you think it doesn't sound good?"

He didn't reply. Seconds passed in silence and we were almost there. I realised I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to talk to him more. I really started to go insane…

"What do you mean you make this up to make yourself feel safe?"

His question caught me off guard and I had to think for a few moments before I replied why did I even say that, then I shrugged to myself.

"I guess I feel safe when you're around, Commander."

"Why?"

"Because you're strong? And skilled in battle?"

"I almost killed you."

"Yeah."

I grinned like an idiot. He glanced down at me and almost heard how his brows furrowed.

"That's not funny at all, FN-4673."

"Isn't it?"

"No." There it was again. The anger in his tone. "I shouldn't make you feel _safe_. I should make you feel _terrified_. You should be _afraid_ of me."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, sir. I can't help it."

"Why?"

"Because I really look up to you."

 ** _Geesh!_** _It didn't escape me, did it?? Did it!? Tell me it's just a dream!_ But as a reply, he snorted.

"She looks up to me…" He muttered. "He really hit your head hard."

"I think you're cool."

"Okay, that's enough."

"Why is it a problem?"

"Because billions of strong men think I'm the worst that ever happened to the galaxy." He paused. He let that sink in. "Then there's **you**. Bubbling with _positivity_ and _excitement_ every time you know I'm around. It's _sick_."

Was it sick? Really? I remained silent for a few seconds again. We reached the medbay. I blushed again when he pointed it out he sensed my feelings when he was around me. It seemed it wasn't at all hidden before him, and I wondered briefly what else did he feel through the Force. Okay, it was scary. But it was also cool.

"Then there's _me_ ", I mumbled quietly with a smile.

The door to the medbay opened and he brought me in, placing me on one of the beds and instructing the droids to take good care of me or else. Then, before I could even utter a thanks, he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

A week passed with intensive training – including how to co-pilot –, then I've been assigned to a new mission.

But this time, it was only the two of us.

I've had no idea where we were going as nobody told me. The mission only stated to accompany Kylo Ren. Which I gladly did. I tried not to appear _too_ happy about this fact, but I really barely could contain myself as I walked to the docking bay and I saw he was already waiting in front of his command shuttle.

"Sir, I report for duty", I smiled up at the tall man behind my stormtrooper helmet and he glanced down at me (how could he be so tall?!).

He didn't say anything just turned around and led the way. I followed him. He was heading straight for the cockpit and I stopped near to it, awaiting orders.

"Get your helmet off and sit on the co-pilot's seat", he stated.

For some reason I've heard despite the voice modifier that he was calm; and his calmness was contagious. I got my helmet off – didn't even question anymore why it was always required –, hid it in a shelf which had a door, just in case, then I sat down and put on the safety belt.

We remained quiet for a while as we took off… so this is why I've been taught how to co-pilot. The thought made me smile when we left the docking bay and he brought us to hyper speed.

"Why are you smiling?"

His modified voice startled me and I stopped smiling in an instant, then glanced at him for a moment before I checked the screens again to see where we were headed.

"It's just… I didn't know I'd be a co-pilot so soon."

He remained silent for a few seconds, but I felt he was still looking at me.

"You did great during the training." At his words I blushed. _Face?? **Why?!**_ "I've noticed you're a quick study." I blushed deeper. "Maybe I'll teach you swordsmanship one day."

"Really??" I glanced at him with pure excitement written all across my face, then I blushed up to my ears and down my neck. I swallowed nervously. "I-I mean… that'd be…"

"Dangerous?" He asked back and I could imagine he raised a brow.

"No", I mumbled when he looked at me and I observed his helmet. "It'd be awesome. I always wanted to learn how to— I mean it's so cool when you're—"

I finished my mumbling with awkward silence as I realised I was fangirling over him a bit too much.

" _Cool_ when I _what_?"

If I didn't blush to my absolute limit, I would've grown redder. Or maybe I did. It was hard to tell, my entire face and ears were literally burning. I wished I'd be able to shut my bloody mouth around him.

"When you're twirling that saber around."

"You haven't really seen me fight. I nearly killed you, then I pushed you back on the ground so you wouldn't get sh—"

He suddenly went silent when he realised he told me something he probably did **not** want to tell me. I stared at him but he was facing forward. My eyes grew wide.

" _You_ pushed me back when my leg got shot?" I asked in shock. "That was the reason I fell?"

A few seconds of silence, then a grumpy reply.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want you to be in the front lines."

"But why?"

"Enough of the questions."

I glanced out of the window with a dreamy expression. He pushed me back with the Force so I wouldn't get hurt, I just knew it. But why did he do that? And when he treated my leg… a shiver ran down my spine.

"So how could you see me fight exactly?"

His repeated question snapped me out of my daydreaming.

"I've checked the archives", I admitted. I saw he turned to look at me and I was very careful not to look back at him. "I was curious."

"Curious of me?"

"Yes. Your fighting style."

"And what do you think?"

It's been common knowledge that if I talked to anyone I'd totally admit that Kylo Ren, by far, was the most interesting individual and most skilled person in a battle I've ever seen. I've already told him this. So he sort of knew about my slight obsession. But the words I usually used when I talked to other stormtroopers, _intimidatingly sexy_ and _major turn on_ were **not** appropriate in this shuttle with him sitting right next to me. And if I told him those, my 'slight' obsession would become a 'creepy' obsession in a blink. And he'd know. And I'd die of embarrassment. Or by his lightsaber.

I checked the monitors in front of me and hummed.

"I think it's unique and superior." I've heard that he made a noise, but I couldn't decide what was it. A huff? Or a start of a laughter? "It's also scary and awesome. I mean it looks strange that a man in such an era when everyone uses guns would charge in with such a weapon but it's astonishing how surprised they are when the aforementioned man successfully murders everyone to death in his way and doesn't even suffer so much as a scratch."

"You think I'm really powerful."

This wasn't a question, and I shrugged.

"You are. Everyone knows."

This was a sigh, this time.

"I think there are some who don't think that."

"Then they're fools. I'm really glad you're on our side, Commander."

"Call me Kylo in private."

I blinked at the monitors and I felt I blushed anew, because his voice sounded so gentle right now. Also, in private?! I smiled.

"Alright. Kylo."

It felt so strange to say his name like that, but it definitely felt good. I really liked to address my superiors by their titles or simply saying 'sir' or 'ma'am', but right now this was somehow, right.

We came out of light speed and a white planet showed up before us. I stared at it in awe; was this our destination?

"Hoth", he stated without me even asking a question. "An old base of the rebels." He clicked a few buttons and I did, too, so we could begin our landing. "I want some information about what exactly happened here."

Blinking at the whiteness of the planet I could imagine how cold it must've been. If this was a base of the rebels then it must've been empty for decades. We landed nearby a big pile of debris and I wondered how did he know where he had to land to find what he was looking for? Upon landing, he switched off the ship's engines; indicating we'd stay for a while.

"Grab your helmet and let's go", he said as he got up and left the cockpit in long strides.

"Yes, sir", I mumbled as I clumsily got up to my feet and did as I was told.

Following him outside I realised that my uniform didn't really protect me from the cold. Maybe I should've put on a warmer set of clothes underneath it… I only had a shirt and shorts on.

"Let's go", he muttered and I followed him.

Right into the blizzard. The cold was slowly seeping inside my armour, and it didn't take long to chill me to the bone. Kylo didn't show signs of being cold; he occasionally stopped walking and held his hand out. I wondered why did he do that, but then I figured it must've been a Force thing.

"This way", he stated, and walked off to the direction of the nearest small hill nearby.

I followed him silently, feeling slightly awkward and very, _very_ cold. Why was I needed for this? I furrowed my brows under my helmet and I was glad it wasn't visible that I was shaking.

On the other side we found an entrance and to my disgust, frozen, torn apart corpses. I was glad the helmet was on my head when I felt Kylo glanced back at me, his cowl fell on his shoulders because of the wind, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Look around. Search."

"What am I searching for, sir?"

He stayed motionless and silent for a couple of seconds.

"You'll know."

I blinked like an idiot as he walked inside. I pretty much cursed in mind then turned around and started to look around for something… interesting… apart from ice, snow and the scary corpses.

Twenty-ish minutes walk and jog later I found an old AT-AT's remains and I observed it, thinking, _how could they even win battles with ancient stuff like this?_ I chuckled to myself as I tried not to freeze, then walked around the machine to find a way inside. Perhaps it still operated? If it didn't freeze—

**_CRACK._ **

I blinked and froze in my movements.

**CRACK. _CRAAACK._**

I'm sure everyone knows the sound when ice is beginning to break under their feet, right? Because I didn't know this sound. And I found it funny. I glanced down and saw a crack slowly running further away from my foot, then more and more cracks joined and it took me five seconds to realise that I did not want to fall down, wherever I'd fall down, I didn't wa—

The ice gave way to my weight and I fell into the water. Freezing water. So cold water that I couldn't help but scream for my life.

Of course, nobody was around to hear me, and nobody was around to help me. Which made me fight for my life just as desperately as the next person. Because my armour was cool, but it was also heavy. And it had a few cracks which let inside the water. It wasn't the best armour, okay? It had it's flaws.

And the cold water slowly seeped into it from all directions as I tried to push myself back up to the surface to breathe, my mind exploding in utter panic as I did so. Then I could finally grab the edge of the ice and pull myself out enough that my head stuck out of it. The water slowly left from under my helmet and I forced myself to calm down.

_Calm down, don't panic, PANIC, **PANIC** , I'M GOING TO **FREEZE** , I WILL **DIE** , SOMEONE HELP, **HELP!!**_

Of course I was in no condition to pull myself out from there. My muscles decided they'd cramp so badly that they wouldn't work, and it was simply too cold for me to move. I stopped trying. A few minutes and my hand froze to the edge of the ice and I shivered constantly, teeth rattling.

_I will die here._


	5. Chapter 5

There was a black splotch in front of me.

Now, this black splotch wasn't here until recently. I was so concentrated on the pain which, right now, ceased. It ebbed to nothing. I've never felt anything like this. My body wasn't cold or warm or hot; it felt numb.

"FN-4673 do you hear me?"

My eyes were half closed and my helmet started to freeze, so I barely could see. My breathing was slow and almost ceased just as the pain, I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't move... I couldn't take a breath to speak.

"FN-4673", the voice repeated.

I tried to force myself to move but when I so much as twitched my leg, the pain was back. The black splotch — a boot, I realised — shifted. And I slightly panicked. My head started to ache.  _I'm alive! I'm alive! I just... froze here... although it's not that bad... ice... it's actually comfortable... to die like this._

_Dying. I'm dying. I'm going to die. I'll be dead soon._

"I didn't give you permission to die", the voice growled.

Something came in my view. It was another black splotch. It grabbed my arm which was frozen where I put it — tentacles? No, no. Fingers. Those black tentacles were fingers. They grabbed my arm and tried to move me, but I was frozen solid to the edge of the ice. I've heard a curse above me.

"How can you even get into situations like this??" The voice asked as he tried to yank my arm up again. "How hard is it to keep you alive?! Bloody kriff."

There was a loud, screeching noise, and suddenly red light filled my view. The ice became red, and the black things had red around them, too. The edges looked so beautiful. A red blade came close to my face, to my arm.

 _I'm going to die. This red thing will kill me._ I didn't know why, but it terrified me. I still couldn't move.

"I won't kill you. Why would I do that? Give me a sign you hear me."

I tried to swallow but I couldn't.

"FN-4673, give me a sign. Any sign. Your thoughts are not enough now, I need to know you understand what am I saying. This is an order. You don't want to disobey me, do you?"

Something in me shifted.  _Order. Disobey._  The words made me fight finally. I forced myself.

" **Hrr**." I made a barely audible grunt.

"Good", the voice muttered above me. "Talk to me. Speak."

"Mrr."

"Good. More."

The fiery blade melted the ice and the fingers grabbed my armoured arm again. And yanked, hard.

I screeched from the sudden, intense pain. It blinded me, it overwhelmed me, it destroyed me.

I fainted.

I didn't know how much time later, but I was staring up at the ceiling. Black, durasteel ceiling. Someone was silently grabbing the pieces of my armour and yanked each of them off of me. My legs, my arms... then my helmet. Black hands came in my view, they grabbed my head and I stared up at the dark helmet. I couldn't react in any other way, just stared.

" **Don't**  you  **dare**  to pass out on me again", he almost shouted, his modified voice emotionless, but still loud enough to startle me.

 _He's scared_ , I realised as my eyes rolled back up in my skull and I fainted again.

Fainting is terrifying in a sense that you never know what you're going to wake up to. If you wake up, that is. In this case, I woke up to the sight of the durasteel wall. I blinked; my vision was still blurry, but everything around me felt toasty warm. I tried to move; and my muscles cooperated without any pain. I hummed and something shifted in the dark.

I noticed Kylo Ren sitting on the floor opposite me, his legs bent, his arms rested on his knees. Of course, the helmet was still on his head. I felt his intense stare on my face and I shifted a little under the covers as I blushed. That was when I realised I was all wrapped up in a blanket, even my head, with the exception of my face.

"S-sir..." I muttered softly and he didn't move.

Awkward silence made itself comfortable between us, invisibly grinning in our faces as I searched for the correct words and as he continued to simply stare and look all menacing with the bucket on his head.

"I'm... I'm sorry", I offered and he grunted. I paused. I was so warm. I wondered for how long I was out. "For... for how long..."

"Sixteen hours."

His reply scared me. That was a lot of time. I didn't even know my condition was  _that_  bad. Kylo remained silent, but I knew he was still staring at my face.

"Are you... are you angry, sir?" I managed to push through my tired tongue and mouth and he huffed.

"Yes." He paused. I waited, and after a bit of time, he continued. "I didn't even know you'd survive or not. Hypothermia got you so badly that you were as stiff as a rock when I made it back here with you. I couldn't detect your pulse and you barely breathed. I thought I just brought your dead body back in here."

Well. Dying in itself didn't bother me. Lots and lots of stormtroopers knew that being with the First Order wasn't a lifelong commitment… most of us would die in battles… but for some reason, it seemed that he cared about me being alive and well. I couldn't put a finger on, why… but it seemed he still didn't give up his quest to make me feel bad about not being able to take care of myself. I blinked and bit my lower lip.

"I'm sorry I made you angry, sir", I muttered and he huffed angrily again.

"What were you thinking?"

Anger. There was anger in his voice. I didn't want anger in his voice.

"I was just looking around…"

"And didn't you see the ice?"

"No…"

"How is that possible? Are you stupid?"

I felt I blushed even further.

"I've never seen ice before, sir."

There was a brief pause.

"What do you mean you've never seen ice?"

I curled a little into the covers and realised I must've looked like a slug like this. A very comfortable slug. I was totally rolled up in the blankets.

"I come from a planet where it never snowed. And the simulations aren't that real. It's not perfect; it doesn't even have blood and it doesn't have ice, for example."

There was a pause again. I stared at him, and he stared back at me. Then he swiftly got up, grabbed a box, snapped it open, got something out… I wondered what it was. He shifted next to my bed.

"Open your mouth."

I blinked at the strange order, but I opened my mouth. And he shoved a piece of chocolate between my teeth.

"If you do something stupid like this again, I'm going to kill you myself", he threatened.

"Und'rftood, fir", I mumbled as I chewed on the chocolate, but I secretly knew he wouldn't hurt me.

"Get up and get dressed once you ate that", he ordered, then walked out of the room before I could reply.

I munched on the chocolate and slowly started to free myself from the covers. As I managed to get off layer after layer, I realised that he removed the armour… but also my shirt and pants. I was as red as a setting sun when I realised this, and just when I glanced down at my bra, I heard his heavy steps coming back to the door. I quickly moved the covers back up before myself to cover my body. My shoulders and arms still very naked for him to see.

"Still not ready?" He scolded and I blused even deeper.

"I-I'm sorry sir… it was hard to get out of…"

"Hurry it up."

"Yes, sir." He remained there and I stared at him, then bit my lip. "I'm quite underdressed. Would you please, uh… give me some space, sir?"

He didn't move.

"Your clothes froze under your armour. I had to take them off."

I looked away. _Gosh. He had to take them off. Kylo Ren took my clothes off and saw me in my bloody underwear!_

"I-I… I suspected, s-sir."

"I didn't touch you in an inappropriate way."

_Why does he feel like he has to explain himself to me?? Couldn't we just drop this topic??_

"Oh. Okay. It's okay. Th-thank you, sir."

He paused, then shifted away from the door. I quickly reached for the clothes on a chair nearby – why didn't he sit on the chair instead? – but it didn't take me long to discover that this pitch black tank top was too big for me. And the pants, too. They fell off of my form. The black socks were somewhat okay, but I had to pull them up until my knees!

 _It's his,_ I realised when I felt the strange, but lovely, scent, and realised the size was roughly his. For some reason I broke out in a smile. _I'm wearing Kylo Ren's clothes. Holy fuck._

I had to roll the tank top back on my shoulders a bit so it wouldn't fall down and I was trying to get something for the pants as well when he came back yet again. I blushed. I felt totally ridiculous. Like a child in her dad's clothes.

"Come on. It won't fall off of you in the cockpit." He told me. "You're going straight to the medbay once we've arrived."

"Yes, sir…" I followed him, although I kept the pants up with my hands. "Did you find what you were looking for, sir?"

Kylo growled under his helmet.

"This whole planet is dead", he scoffed. "And I almost added one more corpse to it."

I blinked at his broad form walking in front of me, then I watched him sit on the pilot's seat.

"It wasn't your fault, sir", I muttered and he shook his head.

"I brought you along, didn't I?"

"I was the one who didn't pay attention."

"Right." He hummed as he clicked a few buttons and the engines came back to life. "Next time you're going to stay with me."

I glanced at the monitors with a half smile and shining eyes.

**_Next_ ** _time. I'm going to stay **with him**._


End file.
